persuasive essay on death penalty should be eliminated

Kayla-

So far, you’re off to a good start. Sure, it needs to be tightened up a bit, but this is a first/rough draft, so no worries there.

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I agree with Caiden that you could use a good hook. His suggestion–pointing out the 18 people on death row who were exonerated by DNA evidence since 1970 (or the 150 others have been otherwise exonerated after being put on death row) would get attention right off and bolster your argument.

Your religious argument is strong, but it could be clearer. The way it is written is a bit convoluted. Also, while metaphors are great in writing, I would suggest you follow up the bad apple metaphor with a factual statement (the death penalty is shown not to reduce crime (use a source)).

The 8th Amendment argument is good, and I think you can again get specific here by detailing one of the botched executions that we have had. Just a couple of sentences about that could go a long way.

Ultimately, this letter has a lot going for it. I would try to limit the list of questions at the end to one strong question, which you might be able to come up with by combining what you already have. I’m not sure there.

In any case, I think you’re well on your way to a good letter.

Best,

Michael Norris

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